Psychotherapy Counseling Frustration And Defenses

They are not advice, nor techniques against problems. A proper healing is based on self-understanding. To understand who I am and how I was made. Personality is made up of unconscious emotions. In other words, feelings that we develop during our entire life, especially in infancy and toddlerhood, but we put them in the storehouse of our soul. The first twelve months are considered extremely important for the psychosynthesis and essentially constitute the most fundamental part of the personality.

Why is infancy so important?

Because the infant has no self. The self is in complete connection and fusion with the figure that cares for it. If care is lacking, inside one feels that it is burning, that it is being poisoned, that it is degenerating. That is why, even in this first season, care is essential. The dual self is omnipotent and magical during infancy. This union is necessary and normal and is gradually followed by islands of autonomy which are monitored by the mother and allowed to surface freely. But this happens gradually and not from the beginning but a little later. We let the infant lead us.

The role of cancellations

Frustrations exist and it’s normal to exist since life has, anyway, some demands and uncomfortable moments so that’s where reality comes in (through frustration). In the beginning the cancellations should be very low. Over time they get a little bigger anyway but they shouldn’t be sharp or intense. So there the one who is close to the mother figure should be able to support her in everyday life, try to absorb her stress and keep the framework safe and stable. So the mother figure will be able to play her role properly.

Abortion is a completely misunderstood concept. Most people who experience it in a frightening way and react with anger are thwarted as infants. They are right. The concept “don’t embrace it because you will spoil it” is not only completely wrong but creates terrible problems for the psyche. First, the infant internalizes the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness means: “not existing” or “losing” or “dissolving”, or “decomposing”, or “poisoning”. It generally means I’m dying right now. We’re talking about babies. An infant is considered a baby of 0-12 months. In the first year. There the figure who takes care of the baby, gives him everything. It is around most of the time, it covers the needs of hunger, warmth and comfort. Micro-abortions exist but are minimal and are quickly rectified. Big frustrations should not exist like letting the baby cry because you think you will spoil it. It will become spoiled if you don’t embrace it. We know.

• from observational studies of infants,
• from long-term observational studies of the mother-infant relationship,
• from the medical histories of our patients and their symptoms,
• and from the successful therapeutic interventions that these people have with histories of disturbed relationships with the caregiving environment.

In other words, these opinions are not random, nor am I telling you my personal opinion as I simply understand myself. It’s not like that. I say what I say because I have researched it from a clinical theoretical point of view and having included the research that has been done on these subjects. I make this clear because most people here believe that mental health professionals say what we think is right. If that were the case we would all be mental health experts. To say something, to support it, means that I first know that something I say is healing. How do I know this? From the experience I have with incidents that had such issues I decide to write an article about it.

First we give it all. Then we reduce this tactic gradually so that reality enters

So aborting is not a good tactic with babies. First we give them everything, the feeling of their worth and that the world is relatively comfortable and good sets in, and later the infant itself will begin to show signs of independence. There we reduce the fulfillment of desires, in a quiet way, and slightly increase the frustrations. Fulfilling a wish for example would be to eat continuously from your mother’s breast when you are 2 years old. And it would be a failure for your mother to deny it to you. If things have gone well in the first year, the child will not overreact when he begins a period where half the meals will be done with a bottle until the breast is reduced and eventually passed into the oblivion of time. Until it is forgotten. But if you are deprived, you will not want to leave there because you will try all your life to get the satisfactions that you did not get then.

You will be stuck like a baby. You will be angry, you will want to break everything like the kids do every now and then when they are angry in Greece, you will become anarchic, you will not be able to get pleasure from relationships, you will think that they owe you, that you are wronged, you will expect from others to do everything without you moving your little finger. Then you will be unhappy. Not if they hug you in the first year when you really need it and you have to be stuck with the other person. In order not to be clingy and demanding as I described before and spoiled as an adult, you need to be very clingy when you are 0-12 months old.

But what does care mean?

Real care for the infant means following his needs. We let it lead us. That determines the hours of eating, sleeping, resting, playing. And we follow. We’re talking about babies up to one year old right now. It is important to follow their needs. Care that defines by its own criteria the care of the infant is certainly not correct and will lead the infant to demandingness, whining, violent outbursts, and hatred.

Treatment is care

In therapy, care works again, but with the difference that we observe cancellations, e.g. understanding that the therapeutic time is specific in time, that cancellations of sessions must be made with notice of specific days in advance, otherwise they will be charged, during holidays there is a period where there are no sessions, etc. There we see how each person reacts and we can enter the world of frustrations and its reality. Abortions are eventually tolerated with proper treatment but this can take time depending on how they were experienced, at what time and in what situations.

Healing means feeling the emotion

The therapist notices and knows where these frustrations are. The patient repeats them, feels them and can express emotion. This feeling is acknowledged by the therapist repeatedly. So at some point, the investment that the patient had initially made, i.e. investment in anger against himself, changes, and becomes anger against the therapist. This is, for example, an important progress which leads to the recognition of the other person as a different person with his own needs, desires, problems, sensitivities, etc. There the merging tendencies are reduced and the self emerges with all its good and bad. In this case I expect a depressive reaction to occur and guilt to emerge. This is a more mature stage of development where it leads to supply. It’s the people who make relationships to give. And indeed true love is the feeling of giving. In other words, it has gratitude in it. But in order to do this there are many other stages depending on the level of maturity of each person and the personality they have developed.

*republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author

See also: The Importance of the Stable Mother Figure
See also: Detention

The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is addressed only to those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you.

Mixalis Paterakis
Psychologist Psychotherapist
I accept by appointment
Karneadou 37 Kolonaki
Tel: 211 71 51 801
www.mixalispaterakis.gr
www.psychotherapy.net.gr