The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counselling: Let’s refer this time to something that is perhaps the most important thing regarding the birth of the self and its good living. In the grip. By holding onto infant life we mean hugging. But the embrace takes the form of the symbol afterwards and becomes a hold within us. That we are alive, standing, that we find the strength to move forward, that we hold on in difficult times and do not collapse. This makes the grip. Collapse of the self would mean disorganization. This happens when there are cracks there. What kind of cracks? In the relationship with the figure who takes care of us. It is a wrong perception to think that mothers are to blame for children’s problems. The figure who undertakes to care for the baby needs support herself in her difficult task. So that’s where the partner comes in. So it also has a role in the psycho-emotional development of the infant. Then there’s the baby’s temperament. How genes are expressed.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

Not all babies are the same. Some cry more, some less. Some have to deal with various issues physically, some don’t. Others do not want breast milk. So there are three big and decisive factors: the mother (figure who takes care of the baby) with her unconscious world, the supporter of the mother (must be present), and the temperament of the baby. This is the system. Within this system, the baby’s relationship with the mother begins to develop. And this relationship is unconscious. It happens without us knowing what is happening. And in what we don’t know begins a bond. A very important bond that the baby will enjoy and will be the beginning of himself.A binary system (it consists of two ie the mother and the baby). A binary orbit. In there is the self at the first level and in time it will emerge as unique. But the core of the self is not in the ego because there is no ego. The core, the basis of the edifice of the self, is the we. So he exists in us. With time and frustrations it begins to surface, the feeling of being separate from you emerges. That I am separate from you even though sometimes I feel one with you. This is all in the grip. But what about without the grip?

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

Without the grip

Without the hold we would either be crazy (in the sense of being disorganized), in constant unbearable panic, or in a sense of threat to life. Holding is the main doubt of lovers (if they can to be held), is the main therapeutic factor in psychotherapy and the essence in terms of the sense of aliveness that one can feel on a psychosomatic level.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

It is not taught

At the same time, holding is not a technique and cannot be taught. Holding is about the relationship. You don’t recruit it to heal but it is activated by various factors. The desire to hold, the endurance to die holding, the natural consequence of the self to include the other, to contain him, to accept him. But holding also means letting the other person relax and fall into a state of disorganization. To be able to not be whole, not to be somehow as you would like him to be or as you think he is but to be what you do not imagine him to be. And be a self where in the state of non-being, it can exist in your arms. This is what mothers do, each in their own way, with their strengths, with their anxieties, with their rights and wrongs. They hold.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

Retention and regression

A great English psychoanalyst, Winnicott, said that “in the life of the normal infant, rest must include relaxation and regress to non-formation. Gradually, as the self grows in power and complexity, this regression to non-quorum comes ever closer to a painful state of “crazy” disorganization. Thus, there is an intermediate stage in which a well-cared-for baby can relax into a non-primed state and endure (but only endure) feeling crazy in the non-primed state. Then there is a movement to the next stage, a step to independence, and the ability to be unincorporated is lost forever…”

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The ability to get lost

What is Winnocott telling us here? That a good care will help the baby to be able to return to the states of development where it is not yet whole as itself, to be able to stay there without being afraid (but maybe even enjoying it I say) and since it can do this then to it comes back to the whole picture, to the solid identity. As long as this can be done, the ability to return to the state of not having a whole, unified, continuous self is lost. So it is a capacity to be able to get lost when you are an infant in the state of a process where the things are not complete, they are unclear but at the same time you feel safe.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

Holding like a dream

After all, we all do the same every night in our sleep with the possibility to dream. We can become intangible elements, leave ourselves in moments of colors, sensations, smells, in a timeless universe, be able to absorb and absorb everything at the same time, not die, and withstand difficulties because primarily we feel care. Security. So someone is holding us. We are taught that this experience is truly rich and is the foundation of a creative life. Where you can play with the inner and outer reality because in between there is a caress, a look, a song, a touch, a smell, a rocking.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

But who can keep?

You have it in you if you have it. And you have it because you got it. If I’m unlucky and didn’t get it, then no one can give it to me. Because I will always go where there is none. Life is excruciating without a safe hug. The world there is full of difficulties. Tough. Wayward. The world should learn from the experience of both those who were not detained and those who felt safe. Only if we start learning these from young children, toddlers, we will be able to change the world. Unfortunately, the important things in this world are left behind and the unimportant things are always in front of us.

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling

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See also: The importance of a stable mother figure

The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is addressed only to those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you.

Mixalis Paterakis

Psychologist Psychotherapist
University of Indianapolis University of Middlesex
Karneadou 37, Kolonaki
I accept by appointment
Tel: 211 7151 801

www.psychotherapy.net.gr

www.mixalispaterakis.gr

The Maternal Hold Psychotherapy Counseling